It came across my thought the other day how people act in the flesh. They can be really cruel for what seems like no reason to you. They may realize what they are doing or they may not. Their actions didn’t show them treating others the way they wanted to be treated. This is only a piece of some of the harsh treatment I have allowed towards myself over my life. It just hit me what they did and how bad it really was. I am used to the being mistreated. That is not normal. Yet, I didn’t think high enough of myself to stand up against it at the time. How does that happen? Then, what is it doing to me inside and out? I was accepting less-than (<) treatment and putting myself down. Everyone, including myself, were not fighting for me or my safety.
Incident One….
I was warned about my aunt and what to expect over the years. As a young adult, I didn’t think much of it. I really didn’t expect what came about from it to go how it did. It was a good result though, because regardless of me not listening to my mom on this, she protected me through it behind the scenes. My aunt simply asked to be the one to throw my baby shower for my first child and I agreed. When I told my mom, I was then reminded of all the projects that were started and not finished by her. Then, my aunt’s willingness to help became a ploy to divide me and my mother’s relationship to choose her. With where I went to for high school, I didn’t have a problem with people until they did something to me. I gave my aunt that chance.
What I saw….
They had the option to be better or bend to their old selves. True colors are what I got. I am surprised so many could attend with the date being the first issue of the event. What started it all is interesting in itself. Who knew the drama was in real life, and you didn’t have to find it on tv. Relationship drama of my aunt choosing my dad and he didn’t reciprocate. Then, she goes with my uncle. Her idea with projects starts without an order to get them complete. She asks for help and is told this order doesn’t make it functional. She then said she would do it this way, then not follow through. Part of the problem from the perspective I have access to. Who knows what the other side was?
Up to the Event….
The main issue is that she wanted the event to be based on her schedule. Her chosen date was someone’s birthday on the other side, making it unavailable. Basically, one half of the family wouldn’t be available to show up for the shower. I wanted both sides to attend, and my mom made it happen. She not only had my aunt married in, but also my other aunt against her. She fought through with them, as she usually did, and kept my event special for me. As you recall, me and my mom have our issues as other families do, but she stood up for me where she learned how. My childhood showed her that I would not step up for myself, so she did. If I did something against her, it would be a different story. Anyway, “Go mom!”
Incident Two….
From one special event in my life to another. This incident, no one saw coming. I don’t recall if I told my mom what I did for sending invites. As a child, this is my cousin is who I needed to stay away from. He did things he wasn’t truly sorry for and I don’t trust him. What I did to avoid him is send an invite to his mom who is my godmother and his sisters, but not him. On my special day, he was the only one who came to attend uninvited. The rest that I invited from them didn’t come. Why do you have to be jerks on someone’s special day? People only get one for sure day of this in their whole life. This shows me who cares and how they care about me. To me, the position they put me in was egregious.
What did I do?
First, some advice. If you don’t want someone invited to a wedding or special event, don’t invite any of the people related or linked in any way. That may pose as difficult. At our wedding, I went to prayer for our first child’s safety. I prayed for God to protect her so I could enjoy my wedding and reception. Also, that people would be around seeing her and keep her away from him. His presence was not going to ruin my wedding day. Though, I wish someone would have kicked him out. I also had to hide my cringe walking down the aisle as he took my picture. Pretend that I didn’t notice as I walk past down the aisle. Who does that? Where did that picture go? What would you have done in that situation?
Why is that?
He was a dirty human being. I say that because the next time I saw him was at his sister’s baby shower as the only guy there. Not even the baby’s father was there. When creeps keep their eyes on you, it gives you an uneasy feeling. Then, I wasn’t the only one getting that creepy attention. That was the last straw of me keeping my mouth shut, due to the types of looks going down. On that day, I reached out to all of my cousins and family on that side that I could. I told them what he did to me when I was younger, then to watch out for their children around him. That was all I could do, tell the truth and leave them to choose what to do with it. I did what I could to bring the truth to the surface.
Now what’s the dynamic?
I have spoken up to the family where my aunt tried to keep it hush. Do they believe me? Not fully, especially her daughter who blocked me and said I was lying because her mom said such and such. All I can do is tell the truth and move forward. My goal was to warn them and have them aware for their children’s safety. When we had a family reunion, my aunt was there before me and when I walked in. It was as if they had all been talking about me behind my back. Maybe my aunt had worse and thinks my little issue is little. Well, it wasn’t little to me. The least to say, it isn’t resolved and the victim who it happened to is seemingly the problem. The perp can move on with his life like nothing happened.
What am I learning?
People have their own issues. It plays out differently per issue and per person. One issue can be the same and taken two different ways depending on the person it happens to. One can be sinned against and continue that sin. The other can be sinned against and move away from that sin. What they do to you doesn’t define you. It doesn’t make you less-than (<) as I was treated. The case is usually the opposite, you are more-than (>). Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy. These are truly spiritual attacks on your identity in Christ. Satan plans to distract you from all that God has in store to bless you with. I don’t know what that looks like yet, but God is moving on it now. He is showing me how I have a plan and a purpose despite how I was used and mistreated.
People vs. God….
God has a purpose and design for each of us in His Kingdom work. We need only freely accept the sacrifice of His one and only begotten Son, Jesus Christ. He gives us that choice and decision. This acceptance and belief allow for our sins to be covered under the blood He shed for us. The Holy Spirit then is able to work in and through us to heal our wounds and help others heal as we do. Everything is not ours; it belongs to God. He gave it to us to care for it. This includes standing up to others and putting healthy boundaries around our life. This can be in the people we are around, ourselves, the food we eat, the exercise we do, the house we care for with a yard and more. Then, with these things, we move closer in relationship to Him.
Continued….
People are more self-motivated. I want you to do this because it does this for me. For example, cook food for us, that can be self-motivated to where you don’t want to do it and expect someone else to do it for you. It serves them and what they want to get them out of a chore. Or this needs done, but I decided you get to do it because I don’t want to. Asking for favors and taking but never giving. It’s not a give to get, but always taking and never giving lets you know it is self. Offering help to get the spotlight or something beneficial to them. A simple way to differentiate is that selfish people disregard the cost of their actions towards others. A healthy self-interest is considering the benefits of both parties in mind and working toward a common goal.
Why did I share this….
I wanted to relate that I understand that people can be mean and dirty to you. That’s not ok. You can let everything stay a “family secret” that is unresolved, or you can confront the sin. It was a family secret from my grade school years until I had 3 children. That was the last straw for me. Cousins having young kids with a potential issue with him meant danger to them. Their care for me through that led to others taking advantage of me over my lifetime. This was family. Family shouldn’t do you like that. Yet they did. One person whom I spoke of before abused me. He had someone speak up against the issue which led me to a 10-year protection order instead of 1 year like she had from the same person. You need to build the case against them for something to be done.
Why should I bother, he leaves me alone usually?
If you do nothing, the next person has no help and little case to work with. They look crazy. With the other guy, I was able to be taken seriously. I chose that the outcome he had before did nothing, so more needed done. He didn’t change his ways either, which landed him in jail for what he did to 2 girls at 12 years of age. Their case would have gone longer if he didn’t have a record built. Then here, you have my cousin without a record. No one speaking up. His mom protecting her and his image and leaving the “goddaughter” to death and destruction from what was done. Years of wondering why you were so disposable and useless to family. No regard in how it affected me or why. I was just painted as wrong and his sin needed covered.
Now what does he do?
He has access to computers, networks, and things of that nature. What safety does that give to the world? He also has his own son and daughter. Their family goes to church somewhere. Has he seen his sin and how it affects others or himself? What is the repercussion for his sin? Will his daughter have to reap what he sowed? What will happen to her? I won’t do anything to her. It just makes me wonder how sin affects those in our lineage, especially unrepentant sin. I know how my sin affected me. For example, I would simply go on a walk around the block at night without permission as a teenager. Then, my daughter is doing the same thing in a different way for a different reason. The sin is amplified in each following generation. That’s why you need to deal with it and not let it slide.
Generational Iniquities….
There are things that happen because of generations of sin. Sins can be picked up and passed down through generations. Others we picked up by us from the influences around us. For that side of the family, porn was passed down somewhere. This is why the sin seemed tolerated with my cousin. It became normalized and hidden. Then, it became normal to the kids around it. This was their childhood upbringing. They didn’t know what was going on with that. Again, a win for my mom fighting for our innocence. Why is it so easy for my aunt to choose the worldly things and my mom to fight for what’s right? What is the difference of influence or upbringing? Porn came down both sides of generational iniquities. Yet one fights against it and the other for it.
What does the bible say?
“The Lord is longsuffering, and of great mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression, and by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation.” (Numbers 14:18) You can look at this in 2 ways. God is harsh and will never let up. Or maybe God wants you to fight your sin for those who come after you to be rid of it. “The fathers shall not be put to death for the children, neither shall the children be put to death for the fathers: every man shall be put to death for his own sin.” (Deuteronomy 24:16) Suffering comes from their own sin. Put together, I believe that you should repent and turn away from sin and help those that come after you. If you don’t fight, the sin grows and becomes harder for the next generation.
Conclusion….
We all have our line of sin that came before us or rubbed off on us from what we let in. What will we do with that sin? Keep it and carry it? Or lay it down at Jesus’ feet for His yoke is easy and His burden is light. (Matthew 11:30) Jesus took the suffering on the cross to cover our sins. “For this is my blood of the New Testament, which is shed for many for the remission of sins.” (Matthew 26:28) Without His sacrifice, we would be nothing and not able to be healed. “And almost all things are by the law purged with blood; and without shedding of blood is no remission.” (Hebrews 9:22) We are nothing without God, Jesus, Holy Spirit. “All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made.” (John 1:3)
Prayer….
Heavenly Father, please show us Your heart for us. Thank You for teaching us what we need to move forward in our relationship with You. Help us see the truth in this blog and bring forth my testimony of Your healing in my life after all that has happened to me. What happened to me hurt me and You, Lord, are working a healing in me as I align in Your word and prayer over this time. Please keep our flesh out of the way. Help lead us all to discern the truth and what we need to confront vs. what can be left alone. Lead us to think as You designed us to think and act as we need to act. Heal us, love us, teach us, lead us to You and Your will in our lives. I lift this up in Jesus’ mighty and precious name, Amen.