This seemed like a good title. I looked it up and incognito is a person having one’s true identity concealed. To the world, this is true. They have no clue what could make this and that happen. There is no true explanation that can be concluded for what God has done and is doing. He does it whether we see what is happening or not. For those who believe, we know it’s God and not an unknown person. To the world, they think there is a reasonable explanation for all that God does and try to explain Him out of the picture. God is not working to make it as if He is concealing His identity. He wants all of us to know Him and begin relationship with Him. God is so good.
New beginnings…
I have been on a journey since my last post. There has been major spiritual warfare going on for me and around me. Hospital visits, surgeries, fasting from sleep for 36 hours, and more. It started because of the retreat I was going on and the movement I am doing towards God. Satan sees what a threat I am, as he sees what a threat you can be, and he pounces like a roaring lion. There are things being hit on all sides. God prepared me and showed me some before the storm. Did it come as a download of information? Not really. It’s a gradual reveal of things I need to work on and see. In a way allowing me to take the needle out of my own eye to help my brother or sister in Christ by revealing what I am learning. Moving closer to God.
What was to be prevented?
Healing was trying to be prevented. I went to the Where Friends Gather retreat. It was an amazing weekend as I had the year before. By the end of the weekend, God removed a huge burden off of my heart. I have had this area of my heart that was full of hurt, bitterness, resentment, and maybe more for a long time. Childhood hurts that were piled onto as trigger moments. It felt like there was a black hole on my heart covering 75% of it. This has been clear to me for a few years and little by little was being removed. This time, the rest of it was released, gone, and covered by the blood of Jesus. I have talked to person after person, feeling this heaviness, and the time came that God had someone bear up my burden, pray, and release me from the bondage.
What else was revealed?
Have you ever watched the movie War Room? It is an amazing movie about spiritual warfare. After the weekend and the theme of things, they played this movie. It had a whole new meaning to me. I thought about skipping the movie, since I had seen it before, but I am glad that I didn’t. My story is not like the character, Elizabeth, but there is a war for my household. I have tried everything in my power to change the atmosphere in my home and elsewhere. It has been very similar and a repeat of what causes angst for me. Now, after what I learned, I see the need to be in the Word of God and pray for my family situation. I can’t control anyone except myself. My choice is to fight for my family the best way I can, which is through prayer.
When I came home…
Within the week of coming home, I kept worrying about picking back up what was taken off of me. As I worried, I realized that I didn’t take it off and that the One who did is who will keep it off, not me. When I try to take it on, I give it back to God and keep His healing in my heart. The things that were once there dwelling up inside of me felt like scabs that were being picked at and open as semi-fresh wounds. It was showing me what I need to give to God. With God’s help, I have worked on slowing down and giving the new issues to Him for Him to help me through. That was within the first 3-4 days. The retreat ended Sunday and by Wednesday night, I had a big battle.
What happened?
This battle was a new thing for me. I have fasted in food and other items being given up, but this time, I went through the storm fasting sleep. Wednesday morning, I woke up and went to work and Church as a normal day. Through the night, I was unable to sleep. Thursday morning, I saw the kids off to school and went to work again. No sleep. The only rest was holding my head over and resting my eyes but not fully falling asleep. If I had not done that, I wouldn’t have made it. We had a sport event Thursday night, so I didn’t go to sleep early. That made me go about 36 hours with no sleep. If it were not through the strength of the Holy Spirit, I would not have made it at my age. Sleep is more important for me now.
What did this show me?
I saw who the weakest link was in my situation. I have to spiritually and prayerfully fight. Once I gain momentum on that battle, Satan may switch strategies. That is when he sees that it doesn’t affect me the way that it used to. God refines us and burns off stuff in the fire of these battles. As I said earlier, God removes it and only He can keep it off if we bring it to Him. He is a loving God and wants to help us fulfill our purpose in this life. With this problem, it brought out something good, communication. The barriers of communication that were there are dissipating. When we don’t communicate with each other openly and honestly, it opens us up to be a playground for Satan and his schemes. Telling the truth in love and talking through things that bother us takes away that possibility.
Communication works…
My child is finding out that I am not perfect and that talking about that and other things helps. I was not always the best person towards my kids in certain ways, and I see that and am trying to change that. In other ways, I took care of everything for them, which probably brought me to the point that I was at. I am learning that each person needs to be responsible for themselves and their responsibilities. When you sit a child in front of the tv so that you can make dinner peacefully, what does that teach them? It shows them that they can have free time and do no work and reap the benefits. I was doing what was easy and not slowing down to include them in the process. Sometimes, I did slow down, but mostly what was easier for me.
Who was I?
I was a selfish and tired person, trying to hurry the process for my kids to get from infant to 18 years old. What did that do? It stole the time that I had with them. I didn’t enjoy all the little things in every way that I could. I could have learned other things sooner. Children are children and not adults. They are in a learning stage. If you remember that, it will give you so much more grace for them. God has this same patience and grace for each of us. What amazing people children are. They catch and copy what we do and some of what we say. When we see them act a certain way, it gives us room to grow and see ourselves reflected in them.
My prayer…
God, help my family see that I am not the old me. Show them that I am not yelling as much as I used to. Let them know it’s by You working in and through me and not my strength. Open their eyes to who I was and who I am becoming. I am refined and made new. This is to God’s glory as we are nothing but filthy rags without Him. Gently lead them to find that good path for themselves to grow alongside with me. Bring each of us to Your purpose and plan for us on earth and lead us to the Heavenly place You are preparing for us. Thank You, God, for being so kind and gentle. Thank You for sending us Your son to cover our sins. We give all glory and honor to You, Lord, in Jesus’ might and precious name, Amen.
A little more…
Other good communication has taken place with all of this. This communication has been waiting months to occur. The other party had no clue we were stepping back during that time. They only realized it a few weeks before. Once they put the pieces together, we communicated the need to talk and moved forward in conversation. It’s only a start, but it was used well in God’s timing. It will be hard to keep up on, but I am not backing down. Some of this has been years of things unspoken and built upon. We could only start with the recent picture, but it’s a start. I am looking forward to what God has been working behind the scenes and what God is doing in each of our situations. He has been working in me, but also the party that we are communicating with. To God be the glory!!!
My prayer for you…
Heavenly Father, thank You for the days we have. Thank You for the people You have brought into our lives to see and hear what You have done for us. Open their eyes and hearts to what they need to work on in their lives. Gently lead them as You have been gently leading me. Guide them into an ease of steps and movements that show them that they are in step with You. Let them learn a lesson and then show them in the test that they understand what the lesson was for in each one they receive. For me, You show me something and then I use the new knowledge right away. You confirm it by having me learn it and then it being in the Word I receive on Sunday or in reading the Bible.
Continued…
I get excited for all those little things that show me I am being made new. Help them see what I am referring to in this prayer. I lift this up to You and ask for You to show up and show out Your glory for the purpose of those who read this. Give them what I call a, “Hi God,” gift. Like what You gave me over the retreat weekend. You gave me a prize for a searching game of a rubber ducky in the shape of a lamb. Other times, it’s certain numbers. Other times, You also show other animals or things that bring us back to ways You know us. Thank You for all of our gifts. Help us work in unity to use them effectively as one body of Christ. Show us Your need for each of us as a body needs all of its pieces.
And more…
Lead us through Your puzzle of life. Show us how to place the pieces together with You as the head. Keep us in order, for in our weakness, You are our strength. Holy Spirit, cover what we do not see and know. Awaken us to the parts we need to do Your will and Your way. Thank You for all that You think and do for us that we see and don’t see. Thank You for seeing us as El Roi, the God who sees. We lift this up and anything that is coming against us, help Lord. We plead the blood of Jesus over our homes and places we move, Lord, in Jesus’ name, Amen. Also, Lord, please guide us and show us how to fight and pray against what we are facing. Thank You, Lord, for Your love and protection, in Jesus’ mighty and precious name, Amen.