I have been in places of despair. I was under attack from all sides at one point or another. There were days I felt bound in fight or flight mode. This happened on and off as a child and into adulthood. I say this to let you know that I understand pain and distress. Life wasn’t always easy. Now, I am working to descend to ascend. In the devotional I read today, it was on stillness before God. This is so hard for me to do. First, I need to make time for it to happen. Second, I need to avoid distractions and keep with it. Third, I need to not feel guilty for taking time with God or myself for that matter. The devotional said we have to go where we don’t want to go.
Stay with me…
I am not saying this to say it’s easy and will happen over night. This has been a gradual movement of fight between flesh and Holy Spirit for me for years. I have a story later in this blog post about what I am leading you to. There are many wounds that I have emotionally from life experiences. I am working through them a little at a time, with God’s guidance. You treat them as if they were flesh wounds Cleaning them out to keep from infection and bandaging as needed. Then, taking care of the wound till it becomes a healed scar. This scar will become a reminder of God’s love for me. How He carried me through. You have the power to walk through your wounds, too. Ask God for help and guidance.
Ascent vs Descent…
When we seek to ascend, it is the way of control, willfulness, grasping, and clutching. The alternate is to descend which is the way of surrender, willingness, and letting go. Everything we fail to own and disown or give to God, will not really be ours. With God’s help, we can raise back to life only the pain that we allow to die. We are to die to what our flesh wants and live for Him. This is a spiritual journey of following Jesus. Dying to our false self so we might discover our true and larger identity in Christ. As we discover Jesus’ downward way of surrender and letting go, it will allow us to discover the richness and beauty in life God intended for us. He treasures each one of us and made everyone for a purpose and plan.
What did He show me this week…
In a previous blog post, I told you of God showing me in a dream to write a letter to someone who was abusive to me physically and mentally. If you wanted to read an old post I am referring to, its title was “What does a Trigger Memory look like?” He received that letter to help him find God and establish a relationship with Him. Monday, I had an appointment in the area his parents lived. I drove past their place 4 times. In the past, I would drive through and my shoulders would feel tense. But today, because of the healing God has brought me through, there was no tension. Instead, I had compassion for him and his family. I prayed for them and their walk with God. For God wants that none should perish. This is how Jesus looks at us.
Before that happened…
I have been making God appointments. With my surrender to Him more and more daily, healing is happening. Before, I would sometimes talk to God and complain to him. But, as I hear words at Church and read the bible and devotionals, I see more each day. This brought down stress and brought me peace beyond understanding. I would humble myself and sigh. Then say, “Yes, God, you’re right.” God wasn’t mad at me for being wrong. He feels hurt, just like when we feel hurt by others. Instead of keeping track of all the wrongs, He already sent His son to cover our mistakes. He forgets as far as the East is from the West. Jesus finished it on the cross. What Amazing love.
Why can I do this?
For one thing, I have other past trauma that feel higher in stress than this situation. The others were in closer circles, so it was a little easier to deal with him than those. I last saw this guy in 2004. There were a few times my friends ran into him and told me. But God, He kept me and my kids from running into him all those years. What a blessing. I later found out he was in prison in another state, so less to think and worry about. This year is 20 years from the incidents that took place when I was with him. Being away from the issue and person who triggered stress helped a lot, a good boundary. God knew what I could handle and that my heart was wanting His will. I forgave him, and placed him in God’s hands because of Romans 12:19-21.
Back then…
Even back when I was with him, I knew he could be better. I was able to see the hurt child hurting others. He followed the example given to him as a child. Which way he chose was his choice. He can now decide on God, or not. He claimed, due to jail time, that he read the bible through 3 times. By this time, he has had more time to read the bible and think. God can help him turn around his situation and save him. This can help him break generational curses for him and his children. I pray that God comes before each of them, heals them, and brings them to His love and care. I didn’t deserve it myself and God gave me that gift. He sacrificed for everyone here on Earth.
Word becoming flesh…
In the word, Jesus suffered as I have through this storm. I have been physically beaten, just as Jesus was. There were mental attacks, I felt those too. I went days without food or proper physical nourishment. Jesus fasted, but had God’s nourishment and strength to pull Him through. I believe that is why I made it through. This simply means, I can relate to the torment and pain Jesus felt as He sacrificed himself and died for my sins. It brings the word to life in my heart. One scene in The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe has Aslan sacrifice himself for Edmund’s sin. That scene touches me as the sacrifice of what Jesus did on the cross comes to mind when I see it. I cannot repay His sacrifice and I wasn’t meant to. His mercy for us covers us in white protective garments. Thank you, God.
Through it all…
It didn’t just happen on Monday. After starting this post on Friday, I had to take a detour down that path by where his parents lived again. Where I had all the stress related things that happened occur in this area, and yet I am in complete peace. No tense shoulders or watching my back for his friends. As if nothing has happened. God is the one who gives and bestows full healing. God is gently helping me heal and elevating me. I can’t do it on my own, I need God. Give it to God and He will bring you through healing, too. I don’t understand it, but God does. It is a perfect plan for each and every individual. Catered to the person they are in Him.
Why do I tell you this?
I want you to have the healing that I have. With God, all things are possible. This is my testimony to share and show you how God can work. It is different for each person, just as each person is different. They have different love languages that God knows and different ways of doing things. He knows them all. God’s plan is always the best. Sometimes the process may be painful or hard. But don’t forget that when God is silent, He is doing something amazing for you. Trust God for He is good. His mercy endures forever. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. Lean not on your own understanding. Guard your heart. Hold your tongue. God has got you.
On another note…
I am sorry to not keep up on the Blog post coming every Friday. The thought process I had is that Monday may be better with my new schedule. It should be posted once a week and it may not always land on a set date. I want to keep it on a certain date, but sometimes it can come on and off throughout the week. This one week I went by the area that used to distress me 6 times. I take this as a sign that he is turning his life to God. His mom, step dad, dad, brothers, and children are going to be healed through God’s grace and mercy. There have been so many things added to this in the last week, it’s even more amazing. If you look at all the pieces, you would stand in awe of God’s work and timing.
What else has happened…
I was the prodigal adult child who left and came home. My child has left, as an adult, and came home. Situations for each are different, God knows. Before that, many things were leading to this. My other child wrote an email to her old school account that she couldn’t read asking her to come home. One had no idea of the email and it was spoken and they came home. I was shown my situation all week and my healing that has come through. He will do it for me, my children, and everyone who asks, seeks, and knocks. Gift cards were given and we celebrated the return of the prodigal child. God has just had so much go on in this to relate to the Bible. What Bible stories can you see that you lived through?
One last idea…
Read through the Bible stories. See what you can relate to. Put yourself in each character’s place and see what they were possibly thinking or going through. Go back and see what was happening in their days and culture. There are so many good stories of redemption from bad to good. Sound familiar? Most of our movies and stories go this way. There is a good guy, God, and a bad guy, the adversary. Jesus came to earth. He suffered, died, was buried, and raised to life. Why? All to give us mercy and redeem us from our sins. To save us. He has pulled so many through and He can do it for you. All things work together for good to those who love God. (Romans 8:28) To God be the glory of all the good in the world.